Embracing Solitude: Finding Yourself in Stillness

Why chosen time alone supports mental health, how solitude differs from loneliness, and practical ways to make peace with quiet, unstructured space.

Time alone has an image problem. In a culture that prizes being busy and connected, spending an evening by yourself can feel like a failure. But chosen solitude is not the same as loneliness, and for many people a little of it, regularly, is restorative.

Solitude Is Not Loneliness

The difference lies in choice and feeling.

Loneliness is a painful gap between the connection you want and the connection you have. The US Surgeon General's 2023 advisory describes it as a subjective, distressing experience, and treats widespread loneliness as a serious public-health concern.

Solitude is time alone that you choose. You can be alone without feeling lonely, and you can feel lonely in a crowded room.

If being alone mostly feels painful, or you rarely have contact with people you care about, the priority is connection rather than more solitude. See our guide to Building Resilience for why relationships matter so much.

What Research Suggests

In a 2018 study at the University of Rochester, people who sat alone for 15 minutes without devices felt calmer and more relaxed afterwards, and their high-intensity emotions, both excitement and anger or anxiety, softened. Those who chose to spend the time alone, or chose what to think about, got the most benefit. Solitude did not make them sadder or lonelier.

The same research also shows why solitude can feel hard at first. In a well-known 2014 study, many people found sitting alone with their thoughts for just a few minutes unpleasant, and some even chose to give themselves a mild electric shock rather than sit with nothing to do. Being alone with your mind is a skill that gets easier with practice.

Possible Benefits of Regular Solitude

People commonly report that time alone helps them:

• Calm down after an intense or overstimulating day
• Process emotions and think problems through
• Notice what they actually want, away from other people's expectations
• Feel more creative or reflective
• Come back to relationships with more energy

Creating Space for Solitude

Daily: A few minutes without devices: a short walk, a cup of tea by a window, sitting quietly before bed.

Weekly: A longer stretch, such as a solo walk, a quiet morning, or an hour in a library or park.

Occasionally: A day with fewer plans, or time in nature on your own if you feel safe doing so.

Leave your phone in another room or switch it to airplane mode. The aim is not to fill the time with productive tasks, but simply to be with yourself.

When Quiet Feels Uncomfortable

Many of us avoid solitude because our own thoughts can feel loud. Start small, with five minutes. If the same worries keep surfacing, write them down, and see our guide on how to stop overthinking.

If time alone consistently brings up distressing thoughts, low mood or a sense of disconnection, that is worth talking to a professional about. If you are struggling right now, our crisis resources page lists services available around the clock.

Sources

1. Solitude as an Approach to Affective Self-Regulation - Nguyen, Ryan & Deci, Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 2018 - Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin (author copy)
2. Just think: The challenges of the disengaged mind - Wilson et al., Science, 2014 - Science (via Harvard DASH)
3. Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation: The U.S. Surgeon General's Advisory, 2023 - U.S. Department of Health and Human Services

Educational content only - not medical advice. In a crisis, call or text 988 (US) or your local emergency number. See crisis resources.